Zombies Eat Fat People!

Fitness for the Zombie Apocalypse

Today we break from our regularly scheduled blog posting to devote a moment to a crisis that threatens to destroy civilization as we know it; zombies. 

Generally, I am not one to fall victim to empty threats and media propaganda, but this time it is hard to ignore the evidence.  Back in May, police in Miami were forced to open fire on a man who was eating another man’s faceStill unconvinced?  What about the fact that the CDC has even begun to prepare for the real life version of Night of the Living Dead by creating a Zombie Preparedness Plan.

In the event that real, proven threats like obesity, heart disease, and type II Diabetes are not reason enough to get off the coach and get moving, maybe the prospects of having your face eaten off can serve as motivation.  So, my suggestion for the looming zombie apocalypse is to get crazy fit so you can kick some serious brain eating zombie ass. 

Survival of the Fittest

Think about it, if you are overweight or out of shape you are going to be an easy target for a zombie.  Similarly, if you spend all of your time training bench press and biceps in the gym, you are not likely to last very long either.  You can’t expect your shmedium shirt and huge traps to repel a zombie.   Unfortunately, you are going to have to try something called cardio.  (No, it does not count if you walk on a treadmill set at a slight incline; especially when you have a death grip in the rails.)  Instead of doing the same tired strength routine or blaming genetics for your muffin top, start training as if your life depended on it.    

Training Essentials

As we speak the mutant zombie species is planning its attack.  Follow this guide for crafting a training plan that will make you the Walker Texan Ranger of the post-apocalyptic world.  

Run:  With the human race in a state of utter chaos, you will literally be running for your life.  For that reason, be sure to get at least run based workouts in each week.  Choose from run workouts that include a long run, hill sprints, intervals or a tempo run.  Improve your conditioning by training at a high intensity, alternate between periods of all out effort and shorter periods of rest.

Strength:  When battling a zombie calf extensions and forearm curls are useless. (It’s debatable whether or not they actually count as exercising anyway.)   Instead, train to improve your strength to weight ratio using bodyweight exercises like push-ups and pull-ups to create a foundation of strength. Next, kettlebell swings and explosive movements like jump squats, burpees, and box jumps will help improve balance and leg strength.

Hybrid Fitness:  With the city in ruins and debris littering the streets prepare to go over, under, around or through various obstacles while negotiating the rugged terrain.  To improve overall fitness and athleticism try mixing running intervals with strength based exercises.  Using tractor tires, a weighted sled, or sandbags in your training to build functional strength you will be better prepared to carry, throw, or lift anything in your path. 

The Plan

Program a week of training to focus on the essentials

Monday:  Strength

Perform this circuit as many times as you can in 20 minutes

10x Burpee, 20x Kettlebell Swing, 10x Dumbbell Plank Row (each arm)

Tuesday:  Run

Set out to cover a moderate distance at an up-tempo pace; 3-5 miles is ideal.

Wednesday: Strength

Then, 20-2 by 2 of (20 of each, 18 of each, 16 of each…2 of each)

Box jump, push-up, step-up, pull-up or inverted row (strict, no kipping), weighted sit-up

Thursday: Run

Think speed and explosion today. 

Pick one:  Run intervals at the track 8-10 x 400 meters, 8-10 x 90 second hill repeats OR 8-10 x 100 meter sprints w/60 seconds climbing stadium stairs

Friday: off

Saturday: Skills or Long Run

Today, run longer than you did Wednesday at a conversational pace

OR

Get out all of your fitness toys and combine sprints, kettlebell swings, sled pushes/pulls, tire flips, farmer’s carry and bear crawl into one workout. 

Try this:

Training:

Run 800m @ Max Effort

50x Burpee

Run 800m @ Max Effort

50x Jump Touch

Run 800m @ Max Effort

50x Push-up

Sunday: off